Thursday, December 12, 2013
I still love Christmas but now, it's intertwined with rawness and hurt from unfulfilled expectations and dreams. Now, there's a rawness that exists from the magnification of something that is hard year-round, but more so in this most wonderful month.
There are so many dreams and desires surrounding Christmas. Events I long to share with a husband, ideas and fun that my heart aches to create and give to children. Those exist regardless, but then during this season there's a magnifying glass on it even more. Sometimes it's a comment by another, sometimes it's seeing fun of other families and longing to join-in, sometimes it's movies, books, music, etc. None of these things are bad, but collectively they hit that raw spot and place a tinge on my heart.
I was driving the other day, heading to the gym, and something (I don't remember what, but likely a song) hit this rawness and I found my heart and mind slipping into sadness. In that moment, I decided to change the song I was listening to, and turned on Waiting Here for You by Christy Nockels. As I've mentioned before, music has a way of helping me express emotions/thoughts that are sometimes difficult to get out.
I was singing along, feeling the weight of these unmet expectations, these unfulfilled dreams. As I did, deep inside, in the most complicated recess of my heart, I felt very clearly this voice say "it's about me."
I promise I'm not crazy.
I know it was the Holy Spirit.
I know it was Jesus reminding me that this season I love so much is not about the parties, the gifts, the "Christmas spirit", the food, the expectations, or the dreams. It is solely about him.
Regardless of what you may be feeling, if you're having the best Christmas ever, if you're grieving the loss of a loved one, if you're in financial straights, battling loneliness, hurt, longing. Whatever. The Truth of what this time is about does not change.
It's about Jesus.
It's about God loving us SO much that He sent His one and only perfect Son to this earth. To be born in a nasty cave and laid in a cold, gross, nasty manger. The most humblest of entrances for the King of Kings.
Only He can fill the space and be a balm for the rawness. For me and for you.
But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.