If I'm honest, I struggle a lot with wanting to be a person people want to be around. A person people flock to, find so fun, etc.
But, I'm really not. Yes, I have friends and such, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I'm not that person people flock to or what-have-you.
I've been wondering lately if it's lack of confidence and I'm not showing all of myself or if it's just written into my DNA. I'm not entirely sure.
I had a conversation this evening with a friend about someone we both know (though I don't know well) who is one of these people. There's another person who, as silly as it sounds, I think is fun and have wanted to get to know, but I'm not sure that this person wants to get to know me. And yet the person I want to know finds person A, the one my friend and I were referring to, super fun and it's obvious.
While we were talking, I felt myself getting frustrated. Questioning why I'm never that person and why it so often feels like I have to jump up and down to even be noticed.
I don't necessarily have all of the answers, but I realized that my perspective has shifted. Historically, I would think there was something wrong with me. But I've realized now, I get frustrated and I think that frustration comes because I've learned I AM worthy of being known.
I care deeply for people.
I have so many interests and am well-rounded.
I see the world through a slightly different lens than many which adds flare and color.
I have lots of layers and am not easily "figured out".
I am creative.
I am loyal.
I love experiencing new things and hearing about others' lives.
I am a little crazy, though it takes me a bit to be comfortable showing it.
I am smart.
And God says I'm worthy of being known.
I don't say those things to toot my own horn (which, quite frankly, anyone who knows me even in the slightest knows how difficult it is to even write that list out!). I say them to remind myself that I AM worthy. I AM valuable. And I AM someone who can bless others if God so chooses to use me in that way.
Yes, I do long to be the fun and crazy person who everyone notices instead of the one people often forget about. But I'm thankful that the most important One does see me. The One who's opinion matters more than any human's says I have value and He wants to know me intimately. And not because I'm wild or crazy, or even for that list above, but purely because He says I'm His.
So I am going to be honest with where I am and when my heart aches with longing to be noticed. But then I'm going to choose joy and choose to remind myself that I'm worthy of knowing. And that I have much to offer.
And I'll strive, although most certainly not perfectly, in God's strength to see every person I encounter as a treasure and a precious child of God. And I will plead with the Lord to use me to show them how precious they are to Him.
I am worthy of being known. And so are you.