Friday, March 23, 2012

Being Me

Hi, I'm Sarah. And for many, many years, I haven't really been me. Maybe you're one who's seen the real me, or maybe you've just seen a glimpse now and then. I apologize for that. It's come out of a place of insecurity and from listening to ill advice back in college. Through the last few weeks of thinking about why I often feel "off", I've realized that real Sarah sometimes gets squished out for "Sarah that I think everyone wants." I'm working on changing that.

In the meantime, here are a few things about real Sarah that you may or may not know. Some are slightly goofy, but it's me so take it or leave it.

1. Deep down, I'm pretty goofy. Not necessarily funny in the sense that my brother is, but I love to let loose, be silly, and not worry about what others think. This is partially why I love zumba! Among other reasons...

2. I always, ALWAYS have a soundtrack playing in my head. It's sort of like my life is a movie and different parts have different songs. Oh and I seriously, legitimately wish life was a musical. Just once it'd be amazing to have everyone break-out into spontaneous song and dance.

3. I have a WILD imagination that probably would lead to some embarrassment if folks knew. Someday I hope to have the time/discipline to write down my antics. Maybe they could create an actual story as opposed to just entertaining me!

4. Along with imagination, I'm sort of still a kid at heart (probably partially why I love kids!). I hope that one day an owl will deliver an invitation for me to go to Hogwarts and maybe I'll catch a glimpse of a Care Bear on a cloud. I love the wonder, amazement, and magic of childhood dreams. And someday, McKenzie and I will go live on the top of the Eiffel Tower. :)

5. Lately, I've felt like I was living in the middle of a Mexican restaurant. It's due to my obsession with zumba music... Okay, I admit. I have a problem. :)

6. Along with zumba, I have a secret dream to be a dancer (well, it's not so secret considering it's been a dream since I was 4 and started dancing, but whatever). And I also have a deep love for music, whether it's in english or not.

7. Although I'm full of magical dreams and imagination, I also have a ridiculous obsession with correct grammar usage. Well, specifically a few incorrect uses: y'all, your vs. you're, I vs. me, and the incorrect use of adverbs. I blame my family as exhibited in my previous post. :)

8. I'm super, duper spontaneous. My mom always jokes that even as a kid, I was always ready to "go." Be it a simple trip around town or something larger. I love to be plan-free and just go where the wind blows me. Some of my spontaneous times have been the best times! This is partially why I miss the college pace of spontaneous compared to adulthood. :)

9. I absolutely, positively must have eight hours of sleep most nights or I turn into Mr Hyde (or is it Dr Jekel who was evil?). Nonetheless, I'm mean when I'm tired. It's really not intentional!

10. I think deeply AND feel deeply. Phew, sometimes it's exhausting. Oh and I'm an extrovert but not always out-going. Kind of a problem when you need people but aren't always great at reaching-out to people (mostly thinking they don't want to be around me)...working on it. :)

There you have it. Just a few things. Of course there are more as my life can't be summed-up in 10 items, but it's a start.

I've tried really hard to change myself the last few years, namely my personality. I always thought it was flawed since it's very different from many people. But, you know? It's how God made me. And if I'm really going to believe that he can't mess up, than I've got to believe he didn't mess me up. I know this "being me" thing will take time and trust, but I'm going to work on it. And am hopeful something beautiful will be fashioned from the swirly mess that sometimes swims around my head. Only He can do it.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14