Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Balance

Sometimes I just want to go back here. Life is insane, things pile up, and I think about the beautiful beach and beautiful people of Haiti. I think about how challenging, yet how simple life is there. Granted, we were there for a defined period, sort of like a strange vacation, so real life somewhat fades away. But it was certainly more simple.

Some days lately I feel as though my brain may explode. Not literally, but there's so much going on and I feel pulled in a hundred different directions. Work has exploded again, and there's added pressure as our agency is merging offline and online (which I know probably doesn't mean anything to folks not in my industry), so I essentially will have to learn a new role while still managing all of my accounts...this starts on Monday.

Student ministry has returned full-force. While I don't feel the same level of connection as usual since I'm with a new group and don't know them yet, I have a mix of feelings as I want to get to know the new girls, lead them well, and keep track of my college girls (which is proving difficult given their college crazy schedules).

I'm working on a few things personally which, are ultimately good things, but hard and take lots of time, energy, and emotional focus.

I'm 14 lbs away from my goal weight. And yet it seems so far away, partially because all of the above things steal my time and attention and I feel like there's little left for me to cook healthy meals and work-out to the level that I'd like to, and that I was last spring and this summer. I haven't gained anything back since life exploded to this level a month ago (and actually lost some two weeks ago), but I'd like these last pounds to come off! And I want to be diligent and work-out, partially since I've experienced the benefits...so I miss it right now.

I long to invest deeply in friendships, but sometimes I find myself empty at the end of the day. I care so much for my friends, especially my community, but feel like I'm not loving them well and am focused too much on my junk right now, which just makes me feel guilty.

I have so many other things I'd like to do. I randomly decided I want to learn how to knit. Currently I'm only a crocheter. I know the knitting basics, but have not really made anything further than a basic scarf. I have books I want to read, both fiction and Scripturally-based, clothes to make (I even have the patterns and fabric!), there are places in Dallas I want to go, etc., etc.

All that to say, my life is suddenly quite busy and full. Realistically, it's all good things (though some are challenging, I'm trusting they're ultimately for good), but I'm struggling with balancing it all. Some things will have to give and then some things are necessary for mental, physical, and emotional sanity/stability.

I don't have any wild "ah ha!" thoughts. I suppose ultimately I'm working to balance everything, give myself grace, but also fighting to prioritize the things that are essential, including gym time, friend time, and the personal work stuff. Thankfully I know it's a season and won't last forever. And I know it's not a surprise to the Lord, so I'm trusting that all of this colliding at once is purposeful and will teach me more about him.

But this spontaneous-loving, schedule-hating girl is ready to return to a slower-paced life. :)