Sometimes it is made painfully clear how dense I can be.
Last week, after lots of prayer, seeking God's word, and receiving wise counsel, I realized I was becoming consumed with asking God where he wants me, being afraid I'd screw that up, rather than simply seeking his face. It was a tearful realization as it meant letting go and trusting, something I know is good but don't always love doing. Since then, I haven't done a good job seeking his face and have instead embraced a path of avoidance. But I serve a patient God, a compassionate God, who continues to gently remind me avoidance is not the answer.
Tuesday I encountered a blog entry that rattled me as I completely resonated with the author's words and learned through reading her words that I, too, think I have a weird personality and subconciously try to either change it or make excuses for it. Particularly as it relates to processing things, as I am an out-loud, with others processor. Surprise, surprise, although I know I need to spend some time thinking/praying/journaling/etc through this new realization, I've instead chosen to engross myself in work and random television. Good choice, eh?
Then this morning in a complete random way, I read this letter thing on another blog of someone I don't even know. I almost laughed when I read it as it so clearly spoke to many things going on in my heart and urgings from the Lord. I mean, really? Thanks, God, for the lightening bolt of reality in the midst of my ridiculousness. I continue to marvel at your gentle patience. Anyway, here is the letter (with the name changed to me of course):
You say I should make it easy.
I say be brave and courageous. (Joshua 1:3)
You think I should calm water, part the seas,
I say get your feet wet child...see what happens (Joshua 3:15-16)
You say your feelings are an indicator of calling.
I say come in fear and trembling but come (1 Cor 2:3)
You say I’m going to let you down.
I say I will NOT fail you (Joshua 1:5 NAS)
Put your feet on the ground child. Claim your promised land.
Be strong and courageous.
Be more afraid of missing ME than messing up.
Your calling isn’t easy, but it is real.
Don’t you dare be one that calls me a liar because they were too scared to see what was on the other side.
You would’ve been one of those if you had been able to get that fearless man of yours to quit. I needed a brave one. These are perilous times.
Others have staked their claim on your land sweet baby girl. You need only set your feet on it to get it back.
I’ve not called you to relent but to prevail.
Get on it will you?
I continue to be reminded that I see my life like this:
A square of random splotches and lines of paint. Seemingly nonsensical events, encounters, and experiences. But that's because my view is limited. I'm standing up close to the painting, blocking my view of the masterpiece that the Artist is creating. I may see a mess, but he sees:
I am thankful to not be the author of my story, the painter of my life. For the Masterpiece is infinitely greater and more beautiful than anything I could muster; a mere child-like copy of the original.
Are you ready to get on it, too?