Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Jungle Boogie

We leave for Brazil in THREE DAYS (actually, technically 2 ½ since we leave Friday morning)! Holy. Cow. I’m definitely excited, but am feeling a little anxious. Sadly, my anxiousness is not for the reasons you’d think…

I’m worried I’m going to get sick. This is a very weird phenomenon for me considering I was an extremely healthy person until two years ago. I suppose I’m technically still healthy, I just have a multitude of chronic problems that could rear their ugly heads at any moment without warning…grr. All that to say, I’m a little nervous that I’m going to have stomach issues. I have medicine in case I do, well, for part of it, but there’s still a lurking fear. I’m also getting a little weirded out by the minor dizziness and headaches I’ve gotten periodically over the last few months. It seems to lessen after I drink gobs of water, so I think it’s really from dehydration. Two-or-so weeks ago I got a new water bottle that is one liter, dishwasher safe, and has a straw thing in an attempt to make the water-drinking even easier. I’m trying to drink two refills a day, but have noticed my water intake is really low on the weekends since I’m not sitting at a desk the majority of the day. Anyway, I digress.

This morning I was gathering things to leave for work, and saw a stack of verses on index cards that I have been pilfering through over the past few weeks, attempting to commit to memory. I say attempting because my memorization discipline has waned somewhat recently…I blame it on the number of things in my head, though that’s really just an excuse and in reality I’ve just chosen to put other things in my mind…ugh. Anyway, this one was on top:

But he said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Once again, my denseness was revealed in the most gentle way. I have almost no control over whether or not I get sick (and in reality probably no control…remembering Phoebe trying to re-catch her cold to have the sultry singing voice :)). If I do, God obviously has a plan and a reason to use it to more clearly show his power. I’m of course praying that ALL of us remain healthy on the trip so we can best serve and love. And I’ll do my part to take my medicine (I’m basically bringing a medicine cabinet with me…), drink water, lather myself with bug spray, etc. and be obnoxious in reminding the kids to do the same!

In terms of prayers, please be praying for the following:
1. That God will be glorified above all else
2. For safety and health :)
3. Lives to be changed in huge, giant ways and many to come to know and/or grow closer to Him
4. Stamina, patience, unity, and servant-hearts for the team
5. For all of us to:
Prepare our minds for action 1 Peter 1:13

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith…so that (we) will not grow weary and lose heart

Hebrew 12:1-3
6. And for any other prayer that finds its way into your mind…I’m learning about prayer right now, too, and love the seemingly random prayer times :)

I’ll see you on the flipside; can’t wait to share all about the time in the jungle!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Not Responding...

Today, everything in Office, particularly powerpoint keeps freezing and giving me this:

Which makes me want to do this:

Then this:
And then go here for a nice solace to calm my frustration and give me a more fun project than staring at a frozen computer:

Sometimes it is made painfully clear how dense I can be.

Last week, after lots of prayer, seeking God's word, and receiving wise counsel, I realized I was becoming consumed with asking God where he wants me, being afraid I'd screw that up, rather than simply seeking his face. It was a tearful realization as it meant letting go and trusting, something I know is good but don't always love doing. Since then, I haven't done a good job seeking his face and have instead embraced a path of avoidance. But I serve a patient God, a compassionate God, who continues to gently remind me avoidance is not the answer.

Tuesday I encountered a blog entry that rattled me as I completely resonated with the author's words and learned through reading her words that I, too, think I have a weird personality and subconciously try to either change it or make excuses for it. Particularly as it relates to processing things, as I am an out-loud, with others processor. Surprise, surprise, although I know I need to spend some time thinking/praying/journaling/etc through this new realization, I've instead chosen to engross myself in work and random television. Good choice, eh?

Then this morning in a complete random way, I read this letter thing on another blog of someone I don't even know. I almost laughed when I read it as it so clearly spoke to many things going on in my heart and urgings from the Lord. I mean, really? Thanks, God, for the lightening bolt of reality in the midst of my ridiculousness. I continue to marvel at your gentle patience. Anyway, here is the letter (with the name changed to me of course):

Dear Sarah,
You say I should make it easy.
I say be brave and courageous. (Joshua 1:3)

You think I should calm water, part the seas,
I say get your feet wet child...see what happens (Joshua 3:15-16)

You say your feelings are an indicator of calling.
I say come in fear and trembling but come (1 Cor 2:3)

You say I’m going to let you down.
I say I will NOT fail you (Joshua 1:5 NAS)

Put your feet on the ground child. Claim your promised land.
Be strong and courageous.
Be more afraid of missing
ME than messing up.
Your calling isn’t easy, but it is real.
Don’t you dare be one that calls me a liar because they were too scared to see what was on the other side.
You would’ve been one of those if you had been able to get that fearless man of yours to quit. I needed a brave one. These are perilous times.
Others have staked their claim on your land sweet baby girl. You need only set your feet on it to get it back.
I’ve not called you to relent but to prevail.
Get on it will you?

I continue to be reminded that I see my life like this:

A square of random splotches and lines of paint. Seemingly nonsensical events, encounters, and experiences. But that's because my view is limited. I'm standing up close to the painting, blocking my view of the masterpiece that the Artist is creating. I may see a mess, but he sees:

I am thankful to not be the author of my story, the painter of my life. For the Masterpiece is infinitely greater and more beautiful than anything I could muster; a mere child-like copy of the original.

Are you ready to get on it, too?

Thursday, July 1, 2010