Friday, May 28, 2010

Miscellaneous Thoughts from Sarah

Did you think I fell off the planet? Or ran away with the circus? Or jet-setted to Paris with a beau named Pierre? Nope, my life hasn’t been that interesting. I just hadn’t felt like writing a blog as my thoughts would change or just because I’ve had a lot going on. In any case, I have some miscellaneous thoughts to share with you. Sound bites, really. Maybe imagine the Masterpiece Theater theme song as you read the miscellaneous thoughts of Sarah as it’d make it more fun. (is it now bouncing around in your mind?!?)

Thought 1: A new store
Through my crafty blog perusing, I ran across a new store that I LOVE! It’s a little too pricey for my want-everything-for-$20 self, but am inspired by the dress designs. Even their collections are fabulously named (Manhattan, 1943, Oh la la, and more). I pretty much love anything vintage-like and would love to be able to pull it off without looking like I rolled out of a history book, so this is intriguing to me! :)

Thought 2: What I’m learning
Have you ever known your heart was changing yet not been able to completely wrap your mind around exactly how, why, and what was changing? That’s how I’ve felt the past while. I know something is moving in me and I can’t seem to grasp it fully which can be both exciting and nerve wracking. I’m honestly not nervous that this change will wreck my dreams as I’m truly okay with this; I know my dreams are feeble and trust that God’s are bigger and better than I could imagine. It may look different, but even the process of walking and living in his dreams as opposed to mine is better since it includes walking intimately with the Creator of the universe, I mean, hello?!? How would that not be better than me simply wanting to go to France which, yes it’d be cool and hopefully I can visit someday, pales in comparison (ps yes, I have bigger dreams than just that, but even those fit with this feeling).

So, why would it be nerve wracking, then? Well, it’s because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, so I’m waiting. Waiting and trusting that he is the one changing my heart and it is he who will direct my steps and life. I am trying to do my part by holding my hands open, letting go continuously of my dreams for his. And spending priority time with him daily, learning about others before me who have waited on the Lord (Abraham, Joseph, Hannah, Ruth, David, to name a few), investing in others, serving, loving, and enjoying each moment. Truly the biggest source of comfort and teaching during this time has been God’s word. I find it interesting that last year, he laid it on my heart to read through the Bible chronologically this year, something I feared having the discipline to do, and yet it’s been unbelievably amazing to see how our story unfolds in order. Each section or life story has impacted my heart in huge ways and taught me so much. Anyway, I just think it’s neat how God orchestrated that, particularly as I learn to wait on him.

Some days I want to sit down and cry because I don’t know what he’s asking me to do. And some days I am so shaken by the big picture, I don’t have any words except “praise God.” I know I’m being refined and therefore welcome the struggle with open arms. All of this, the waiting, learning, serving, etc, is for his glory not mine.

Thought 3: Passport
Is in the mail! Yahoo!!! Hopefully this time next week it’ll be back in the mail on its way to secure me a Brazilian visa. Yay for Amazon things falling into place!! I’m SOOO excited to go. And, while I’m certainly not naïve in thinking it won’t be hard, am up for the challenge as I won’t be going on my strength. We had our vaccinations and a mini-meeting this past Sunday. While I felt a little useless at times (not for fault of anyone, purely because I didn't know how to fill-out visa applications nor could I administer vaccines :)), it was exciting to see all of the kids super excited. I can't wait to start the ministry prep!

Thought 4: I now lead senior girls…
This is so weird to me. I am now the small group leader of SENIOR girls. When on earth did that happen? I have so many emotions and thoughts about all of this which I'm sure you'll get to hear about later. I’m excited to continue to grow deeper with my girlies, particularly as we continue meeting fairly regularly this summer. They are dears and I am so stinkin’ proud of them and incredibly blessed to be a part of their lives.

Thought 5: Hole in Our Gospel
I’m reading this book now. It’s fabulous and most definitely changing my heart. I’ll just encourage you to check it out as opposed to giving you my ramblings.

Thought 6: Maman et Papa time
I’m going to visit my parents this weekend and am really excited for the relaxing break. We don’t really have any huge plans, and that is a-ok with this girl. I love that my parents’ house isn’t really in the city, so it’s quieter (well, aside from the noisy basset hounds) and is always nice to be there.

Thought 7: 100th post
Yes, this, I just realized, is my 100th post. Who knew I had enough things to say to fill 100 entries! Thanks for bearing with me through my randomness, heart-sharing, and whatever else. I appreciate it. :)

Thought 8: I’m out of thoughts…
…for today. There are some more stuck up in there, but I’m a little tired of writing. I’ve written a lot of decks and POVs this week. And I HATE writing POVs; boo.