Monday, March 22, 2010

Thankful Heart

I'm currently laying in bed with tears in my eyes. You'd think those tears were because I'm battling a seemingly neverending bout of dizziness (another story), but thankfully it's not, though that is why I can't fall asleep. However painful the dizziness is, in this instance I'm thankful for the inability to sleep as it has allowed me to see a beauty, a blessing, that I may otherwise have missed.

Curious? Well, as I'm fighting my swirly head, I'm listening to my iPod, specifically my God shaped hole playlist. Essentially this is a list of favorite praise and worship songs to remind me of the only satisfier of my soul, the God shaped hole.

Well, Prodigal Me by Shane Barnard shuffled it's way into my list, and it quickly brought me to tears. Why?

Tonight I had the opportunity to talk to my dear "aunt" Jody (she's my mom's very best friend, she's always been in my life so i frequently refer to her as aunt Jody) and learn of the new direction God is taking her. I am soo excited for her and am always blessed through our discussions as she is very wise and I am incredibly inspired by her creativity, loyalty, and dedication. Through learning about her new ventures, I was able to share about some things God had laid on my heart and talk about my precious girls (who, let's face it, I am always blessed to talk about!).

After that, I was catching up on my reading through the Bible (I'm a little behind). I was reading the beginning of Judges and was once again struck by the theme of the Israelites quick disobedience and quick "spiritual amnesia" as my dear roommate Katie puts it. For a minute I thought, "these dingbats; God told them to remind themselves daily back in Numbers of what he had done. To write it everywhere so they don't forget. Yet they don't listen and, surprise surprise! Forget and fall into idol worship."

If that isn't a bang upside the head, I don't know what is! How on earth can I judge them when I have been brought through equally huge miracles, have the Holy Spirit IN me and yet I too easily worship the idols of pride, praise, performance, and even my own gifts!?!

So, all of this is swimming in my already swirly head, and this song pops on. I am immediately brougt to tears (and I had to play it twice), not simply because of the power of the song's words and the beautiful story it represents, but because of how awesome God is. And it ties to a recent shoreline message series that spoke to my girls' hearts profoundly, but also mine.

Who knew that some six years ago when He softy stirred my heart after a Raise the Mark service to join the student ministries team, that He would use this ministry to bless me beyond belief. I joined the ranks scared that I would screw up a bunch of junior high girls, and instead God has folded me (and vice versa) into the lives of each one of them. Girls I pray for, pour into, am crazy proud of, love dearly, and am incredibly blessed to share in their lives.

And He didn't stop there! He used this ministry as a catalyst to teach and bring me into a community. A community who dares to walk alongside one another, and not selfishly but in order to grow closer to our Father. And in the meantime they have become the dearest friends I have ever known.

I know I talk about this frequently, but I'm following Moses' advice, refusing to forget and will shout my thanks from the rooftops if need be (though maybe not rooftops...I'm a little afraid of heights, but that's irrelevant).

Oh God, my heart is overwhelmed. I am so very blessed and so very thankful. Thankful to serve, to love, to be loved, and to grow closer to you with others. My head may be dizzy, but my heart is on-fire. Praise you and thank you.

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