Tuesday, January 5, 2010

To Be Your God

This past summer, I was reading through Exodus and Numbers digging in as deeply as I could. In doing so, I read Numbers 15:41: "I am the Lord your God. I brought you out of Egypt to be your God, I am the Lord your God." As I read and re-read these words, I was struck by the meaning. God had just rescued the Israelites from slavery in Egypt in the most miraculous way and yet they grumbled consistently, turned quickly to idols, and idealized Egyptian slavery life. They didn't want to do the hard work to travel to the promised land, they wanted to return to what they knew, even though it was horrible and a life of bondage.

I understand their sentiment. So often in facing hard times, especially during the years where I tried to break free from my chains of sin alone, I slipped back into it for fear of the unknown. Fear that God wouldn't show up or that I wouldn't be healed.

A little over a year ago, I experienced one of the scariest things in my life. I can still remember it vividly, questioning what was happening to me yet sobbing in fear that I wouldn't make it. But God thankfully gave me the courage to first share with one person and then more. With each person I told, the weight of it lessened and I saw that their words of encouragement and love were not empty words, they were Truth. I didn't have much faith, but others did and their faith gave me strength.

These times, these sins, these years were my Egypt. Last summer I feared falling back into the patterns and then God graciously revealed this verse to me. While simple, it's so profoundly states that God didn't bring me through Egypt for any purpose other than to be my God. And that is enough; I don't need anything else. He broke my chains to set me free to live a life with him, which is more satisfying and wonderful than anything I could imagine.

Tonight, I am living in freedom. Not perfect by any means, but wholly trusting that God is enough. Tonight, someone I love so dearly is in chains. As I listened to her sob, I couldn't help but remember being in the same place. I hate Satan, but know God will prevail. I am confident God will bring her out of Egypt and into his arms.

Oh Lord, do mighty things; bring freedom and healing. I know your heart breaks more than mine. I thank you for freeing us to be yours.

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