Fill Me Up

I learned of this song over the weekend and quickly downloaded it. The lyrics are few and seemingly simple, and yet there is a depth to it that stirs something deep. There is something about this song that makes you not want it to end. I don't know if it's the Spirit crying out or just my cry...or maybe both.

Here, try yourself. You don't need to watch the video necessarily, just listen to the song. The song I purchased is seven minutes, but this video is 17 minutes. If you don't want to listen to the whole thing, you can stop around seven minutes. Though I challenge you to listen to the whole thing. In both Haiti and Brazil, they sing worship WAY longer than we do in America and don't care if church runs super long. At first it was weird for me, but then something switches and you catch the beauty in it. The release from just worshipping and not being concerned with time. But if you don't want to listen to all 17 minutes, that is a-okay. :)

Here it is.



You provide the fire
I’ll provide the sacrifice
You provide the Spirit
And I will open up inside

Fill me up God

Fill me up God
Fill me up God
Fill me up

Love of God

Overflow
Permeate
All my soul

So, you're human?

I’ve been struggling lately in the healthy living arena. There are a variety of contributing factors – shifts in my gym’s class schedule, holidays, illness, another injury, more-than-usual busy weeks (leading to lowered focus on cooking). Also, there was just a pure lack of discipline on my part. This wasn’t something that I wanted. I’ve worked hard and don’t want to continue down this path away from healthiness and back into lack of self-care.

I started praying. I then raised a flag of surrender, admitting this to key people in my life and heading back to the doors of weight watchers to face it. I had gained, which I knew. For a few days I slipped a bit into the negative self-talk.

I then had brunch with a friend and told her part of the reason I was so frustrated with myself was that this is the first time in the two years of walking this road that I had gained more than 1-2lbs. She then responded with something that I think was really just a comment, but what was quite profound, “So, then you’re human?”

I am human. My natural tendency is to seek perfection and beat myself up if it’s not achieved. The fact that it was taking so long to hit goal weight in general was frustrating; I mean, don’t other people lose faster?

And yet, that is a deeply sinful thought. And my friend showed me that in her comment. She pointed-out that I had resorted to doing this on my own, not through the strength and glorification of the Lord. Not in a way that waits on and recognizes his timing above my own; that the only reason I am working toward healthy living should be to glorify the Lord.

I then heard a talk about the spiritual impact of healthy living. It was beneficial as it reminded me of that purpose. Yes, there are worldly positives that occur when you live healthily, but ultimately my sole purpose in life is to glorify Christ, and that includes the hows and whys I should and want to live a healthy lifestyle.

I started by praying, asking God to help me have self-discipline in all areas, including this. I asked for accountability to pay attention to my eating and working out, as well as to not allow those to become an idol. I then quit trying to fit workouts in that I knew would never motivate me. Sure, there are days when I need to just do the elliptical, but on the whole, I know I am more committed when I like something. I evaluated and determined that truly the best things for me are dance-oriented cardio (when the instructor is good…bad instructors are downright irritating) and yoga. Yes, I also need to add-in some weights, which I’m still trying to figure it out. I jumped back in and so far, it’s been good!

I’ve realized that I thrive with encouragement in these sorts of things. I naturally beat myself up, so having people point-out my failures just makes that worse (side note: there are situations/times when I most definitely need help identifying if something isn’t aligning with God’s Truth and, while it may be hard to hear, I welcome that if it helps me grow in Christ).

On Sunday, I went to a zumba class that I hadn’t been to in a while as it was cancelled for about two months and then the time was shifted after it was reinstated and I hadn’t been able to go. It worked for me to go this week and for some dumb reason I was a little nervous about it. As I was walking in, I prayed and asked that the Lord would protect my heart from the fears I had. Well, to my wondrous surprise, three girls came up to tell me they’d missed seeing me, two of them combining the greeting with a hug! It was so encouraging.

Then this morning I was tempted to skip yoga, but drug myself out of bed and to the studio. Tuesdays are the hardest yoga days, which I knew going in. During class, the instructor took time to come over and compliment me on my form several times. She didn’t need to do that at all, but it was so encouraging as well. Especially as she’s a 500 RYT and I sometimes feel like I’m just flailing around in her class.

So, I had a set-back. I’m human and sometimes make mistakes and/or choose my flesh over what I know God has for me. But thankfully God is forgiving and gently leads me back to him and graciously provides encouragement along the way. I do hope to finally achieve goal this year, but more than that I hope that I can honor and glorify Christ with my body and my life.   

Lent

I’m so, so excited. It’s actually probably slightly bizarre how excited I am about this. But I know it’s a good excitement as it comes from a heart of wanting to see God move in huge ways that only God can do.

Last year, I learned of this book called A Place at the Table: 40 Days of Solidarity with the Poor, by Chris Seay, that was written specifically to go through during Lent. I was intrigued and intended to go through it during Lent, but I didn’t. I honestly don’t remember why… Regardless, it’s been in the back of my mind since then. I could have taken another 40 days of the year to go through it, but I had this feeling like I needed to wait for Lent 2013. Here’s a video explaining the book in case you’re interested: 
 

 

I decided that, aside from just reading, I’m going to implement some of the food/diet-related challenges. I considered outlining exactly what I feel led to do, but then hesitated, considering Jesus’ urgings about fasting. My heart in wanting to implement these things is for the Lord to work – to deepen my love for the “least of these” and to change me in any way He’d choose. I feel if I share now what I’m planning to do, aside from merely reading the book, it’ll be a source of pride for me. Or maybe not pride, per say, but control. I do want to strive to implement this challenge, but I want it to be flexible in how the Lord may guide me as opposed to achieving a pre-set list of “dos/don’ts”.

Post-Easter, maybe I’ll have some things to share from what I learn.

Faces

I'm obsessed with this video.

 

Does it make me official?

So, week one of my photo challenge is quite boring...just things around my room. I was originally thinking it would consist of some rock climbing shots, but we had to postpone that trip. In any case, here it goes.

 

1. New yoga mat

I started yoga about a year and a half ago, but then took probably close to a six month break after injuring my back as I was fearful of re-injury. So in total I’ve practiced yoga consistently for about a year. I’ve had a hankering to increase that frequency, in many ways because of the sheer volume of benefits I’d experienced from a mere 1-3x per week practice. Unfortunately, I had already maxed-out on the classes offered at my gym for my style of choice. Also, there has been a mass exodus of instructors at my gym in the past year (a whole other story…), including all of my favorite yoga instructors and the replacements haven't been as good. 

Anyway, before Christmas I learned my favorite teachers all went to a new studio by my house. I did a little research and learned it has a great concept – yoga for all. It’s still growing, but they have yoga for all ages, levels, and I saw yesterday they’re starting one for kids with special needs. Love it. I was hesitant to join since I wasn’t sure if I’d like a studio setting, but after learning about a deeply discounted six months membership for 2013 resolutions, I bit the bullet. I’m glad I did as I’m loving it! It’s funny as even my favorite instructors from my gym have a completely different style in a studio setting since they’re allowed to adjust your postures and such.

So…the mat.

In my year of regular practice in yoga, I’ve burned through three cheap mats. On Friday, I almost fell on my face during down dog. Saturday, I couldn’t balance in crescent lunge as my foot kept slipping. Then yesterday I almost fell in warrior 1. I decided it was time to get a new one or I was going to hurt myself. I was going to mosey on to Target for a new cheapo one, but after doing some research, considering how I’ve increased my practice, and the fact that I’ve already spent the same in cheap yoga mats, I decided to commit to a better made mat. And this one has a lifetime guarantee, so it should last longer!

Enter, Manduka proLite…and it’s purple. Apparently they take a little time to break-in, but tonight will be my first test! So, does this make me an official yogi now?!?

 

2. Current reading
My first 2013 resolution book is The Sun Also Rises. I must say, I'm not a fan. I'm close to finishing it, but I legitimately don't get the point of it. A group of expats partying and getting drunk in Paris and Pamplona? Pointless.
 

3. Playing with persepective
I was playing with perspective here...my current favorite boots.

4. My inability to sit still
Ask my roommate, I have an extreme inability to sit still almost ever, but especially when watching TV. I always find some project to work on or just something to play with. Here, I'm playing with some leftover yarn. Maybe it'll become a scarf. Or maybe it'll become nothing.

5. Working on my bed...because it was freeeeeeezing
Last week one night I had to work really late. I don't stay at my office late anymore as I did that for many years and it's quite creepy after 6:30... Last week I worked late but was so flipping cold in the living room, even with my lovely electric blanket (my hands were cold typing), that I transitioned to my room, which is the warmest in my house. It was super tempting to just crawl into bed and go asleep, but I pushed through. :)

 

So that's week one. Pretty boring. 





Photo Challenge

I love photography. I love looking at beautiful images and relishing in the interesting perspective of talented photographers. For many years now, I'd lusted over my friends' and family's DLSR cameras. Knowing I had a goal of saying bon voyage pour Paris this summer, I thought what better time to get one than for a trip to the City of Lights. So, with Black Friday deals, I nabbed a good deal on one, including a zoom lens (I think that's what you call it...).

I then got myself a little book how-to, as I figured I'd want to try my hand at figuring things out prior to taking a class (and, I may or may not be able to take a class prior to Paris; trying to decide whether I'd rather do that or take a class to brush-up on my French...).

So, I've had it for a month now, but haven't taken many pictures... Why? Well, I still live in the mindset of film cameras and think I have to "wait for that right shot" before taking one.

Therefore, I'm issuing myself a challenge. One that I think will get me playing around and taking more pictures. Here's the challenge:

For the next six months, prior to Paris, I must take and share at least five pictures a week, preferably on different days.

Weird, I know. But hey, maybe it'll help with getting me out of the "wasting pictures" rut and realize I can delete...after I share. :)

This will be the place I share because, why not.

So there you have it.

C'est Possible?!?

I'm allowing myself to get excited. The full rein of this excitement will not burst through until tickets are booked and it's official (and then will grow exponentially as the day approaches). But it looks like Paris may FINALLY be in my future...as in seven months away. I'm excited, too, as my travel companions have known my 25 year growing love of this country...my parents!

Yes, I've dreamt about France and Paris since I was about six and learned it was the home of ballet. Sometime after that, I had a substitute teacher in elementary school who was French and taught us "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" en francais. I was fascinated, and decided to take French in 8th grade...the rest is history.

Anyway, until it becomes official, official, I'm simply relishing in the thought, and embracing my already deep love of anything French. I'll share some of my inspirations.

La musique francaise!


Je lit un livre a Paris


Et un belle livre de tourism a Paris!



Je vais manger un croissant pour le petit dejuener a demain!


J'etudie la langue de francaise!


Je recherche des arrondissements a Paris!

Side note: my French is VERY rusty, so there's a high likelihood the above is filled with errors, hence my plan to study French (thankfully I kept all my college books for such a time as this...and because they were my favorite classes). So, if you speak French fluently, or even just well, perhaps look past that. Thanks in advance. :)

Mmm...it could be possible. 2013 could be the year. Get ready for some obnoxious Frenchness to burst out of me. I don't really apologize, it's been bottled-up for 25 years. :)